“I just want peace and harmony,” Amy says sounding close to tears. “But my son hits and throws things. He grabs toys from the other kids at school. I want him to have friends but I don’t want to invite other kids over for playdates. What if he hits them or grabs or doesn’t share or wants everything his way? When I tell him to stop, he doesn’t. I’ve tried talking to him instead of spanking and time outs, but nothing works. I’m so embarrassed.”
Amy has the typical complaints of someone coming to me for parent coaching. She’s tried everything she can think of to get her child to stop doing the behavior that’s driving her crazy and to start doing the behavior she enjoys.
She’s coming to me because she wants me to tell her what to do to get the peace she longs for. She’s expecting new words – something to say and the right time and inflection to say it – to get her child to listen and obey.
And I help her. I help her get the peace she’s longing for from the inside out. I help her free up her own energy and creativity to find appropriate responses to her child. It’s not about applying a formula or using the right words. If it was, you could just go to the bookstore and buy any one of thousands of titles that promise you a better behaved child in a weekend or less.
It’s not that easy. Real change requires Amy, and you, to look within and learn about yourself as well as looking at your child. It’s a dance of inner work and outer work. A dance of looking within to notice your own feelings, stories, and triggers and learning to be with them without trying to change, blame, or figure yourself out. A dance of outer work setting boundaries, simplifying, and listening danced in ways that allow you more connection and effectiveness with your child.
Peace is an internal experience. It comes from meeting what is with an open mind and an open heart. Welcoming the experience of the moment, the peaceful response is to allow the experience to change us, to affect us, to alter our version of reality and perhaps of ourselves.
Peace is different than calmness. Calmness depends on the outside circumstances. Calm is your child behaving, not talking back, and doing what you say.
Peace is not dependent on the external circumstances. It is an internal experience. Peace starts within the parent.
Parent coaching is often 80% about the parent and 20% about the child.
Together, you and I will help you learn skills to create peace within you and to respond peacefully to your child. There are practical, practicable skills you will learn with me.
As you practice the skills from our parent coaching sessions, you’ll experience peace starting within you and flowing out to your child. You will feel how this is different than calmness – deeper, more steadfast, and dependable.
You will have moments of success and moments of forgetfulness. As we work together you will journey through unconscious incompetence, conscious incompetence, conscious competence, and unconscious competence. When you reach unconscious competence you have new habits fully ingrained and no longer even have to think about your response. It’s just become “natural”.
Curious to get started? Book a free consultation with me today.
30 minutes. Free. No strings attached. We get the feel of one another and decide if we enjoy working together so much that we want to do more of it. If so, then I’ll invite you to be my client and you’ll be happy to say yes. Otherwise, we’ll just spend a pleasant 3/4 of an hour together focusing on you and your family, your goals and dreams, your challenges and what peace means to you.