Self-study and practice
Build a strong personal container
Understand people make mistakes. That’s how we learn. You will make parenting mistakes. Your children will make all sorts of mistakes. Welcome them and use them as chances to learn. Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget the perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.
Get help and support. Parenting all alone in a vacuum is exhausting and very, very difficult. I’ve felt both very alone and part of a strong community of support. And every time, a strong community of support feels so much better. When I feel better, when I feel like my needs for connection and love are being seen, I am a much better parent. A word of caution here – I’ve seen many parents struggle with this. It is a balancing act and I believe it is every bit as damaging to yourself, your child, and your relationship to go into selfish pursuits as to subsume all your desires in order to take care of your child. Our children need our presence in their lives. They need us. A lot. Way more than any other relationship has ever needed us in the past. So if we are often gone whether to work, have a date with our spouse, go to the women’s group, work out, meditate, or anything else, our children will feel our absence and it will hurt. Ideally, finding community means brining our children along and helping them find community too. When we all have a broader basis for support, it is easier to keep our balance.