As parents, we want to create a sense of peacefulness within our children and peace in our homes. When things get tough, here is a way to reconnect.
- Hold your child. If they are too big to sit on your lap, sit beside each other. If they are too upset to allow touch, imagine holding them on your lap. Touch is really helpful here. The more the better.
- Notice anything you can. The rise and fall of her body with her breath. The feel of her resting in your arms. Where do you feel her warmth? Her weight? What are the sensations in your body where your two bodies are touching?
- Imagine what it feels like to her body, her skin, where you are touching. Does it feel the same to her? Feel her heart beat. Feel in through your body and imagine the feelings in hers.
- Imagine her heart and yours. The actual beating hearts. Allow yourself to know that you both have hearts. Hers is just like yours, only smaller. No less real. No less vital. Then imagine other things. Her pancreas, her stomach, her legs. Your pancreas, your stomach, your legs. Allow your imagination to connect you to her. You are very much the same. Your bodies are almost identical. The both have hidden parts doing things largely unknown to your minds.
- Allow yourself to imagine her brain. Acknowledge that whatever she is doing (even the most whiny, fussy, awful behavior) is rooted in trying to create safety, peace, and happiness in her world.
- There is something she feels she needs. You might or might not be able to give it to her. That doesn’t make either one of you wrong. It’s not that you have to meet her need or she has to give it up. You staying with her and staying connected especially when she is having a rough time allows her to learn that her longing is OK, she is OK, you – her parent, the role model for her Universe – still love her, and you are still with her.
- Continue sitting with her and holding each other until you feel ready to get up. Ideally, do something you both enjoy doing together to remind you of the joy you each take and give in knowing each other.